Sunday, December 04, 2005

Johnny Big Screen

Two days ago, a buddy and I go into an electronics store.

One of us buys a big screen TV.

This is startling, considering both of us are sober.

We solve that, but only after one of us buys the set. It is a long afternoon.

I find a note from buddy in today's morning e-mail.

"So how do you like Giant TV?" he asks. "Have you slept in the last 36 hours?"

I have replied as follows:

"I am Johnny Big Screen, leader of men.

With my half dozen zappers, I control the universe.

Programmers and satellite geeks tremble before my fingertips.

My life has changed.

I walk the streets as TV cowboy, bow-legged.

Where once there was scorn, there is now only envy.

RIDE programs wave me through.

I have lost 11 pounds in little more than a day.

Women have flashed me four times since I was last in your driveway.

I am impervious to bullets and Ontario winds.

My new god? The S-video cable.

In short, life is good.

I would tell you how good, but you would only (a) weep, then (b) beg stores take three or four grand off you, no change required.

Johnny Big Screen is making a list of new friends.

Big Screen Pals worthy of his budship.

With any luck, you may be on it."


efun4val said...

Notice that there have been no new blogs since you got "Johnny". Co-incidence? I think not. Be careful or you'll get a crick in your neck.
Enjoy your blog even more than your Sun seem less pressured. I hope so. Thanks for staying in touch with us.

dunf said...

On big-screen TV, you feel you are the funniest guy in the middle of every beer commercial party ... and Regis is a god.