Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Who loves Canada most?

Paul Martin: Is a friend to the evergreen, serves baked tundra at parties. Embraces new Canadians and parachute celebrity candidates. Once placed second in a poutine-eating contest--even as horrified American tourists screamed: "You're eating yellow vomit!"

Stephen Harper: Uses maple syrup rinse on hair, sings O Canada in English, French and several multi-cultural languages not yet identified. Has adopted endangered BC marmot he's named Ben, after his favorite Mulroney. Lived two summers in a chip truck.

Jack Layton: Weeps spontaneously at flag-raisings and northern lights, even traffic lights. Continues to add to a beloved childhood maple leaf collection. Once hugged a socially-disadvantaged beaver so hard he broke its rib.

That's how much they love Canada.

Next issue, please?

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