Thursday, September 15, 2005

Today's joke

Q. What is George Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A. He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Rent me

Air Canada newly offers a two-month travel pass for just shy of $7,000.

But pulling out a calculator, that's $875 of travel a week.

Is $125 a day enough to induce sheep to be prodded, stripped and de-shoe'd at more than 100 world airports?

Then loaded bleating aboard AC jets where sullen crews force-feed captives their burden, ill-humor and pain?

If I only took one flight a day, that's 60 days of honey pretzels and middle seat.

Seven grand is just not enough.

Oh wait--you say I pay them $7,000--they don't pay me?

Forget it.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Wake up call

High on the ridges, tell-tale alarms ring.
Only the birds probably notice.

Too hot for cable

For those who think North American media don't pull their punches, this flood image appears uniquely in the current Stern, the German news weekly. The caption identifies it as taken in a New Orleans church, as waters recede.

Quite anxious

"Prime Minister Martin expressed his personal condolences on the tragedy and told the President that Canada is actually quite anxious to help."
-- PMO spokesperson Melanie Gruer

Things the PMO forgot to express...

- "Do you have our cellphone number? Just a moment, It's 613-something-something. Does anyone know our emergency 24/7 Actually-Quite-Anxious-To-Help number? Oh dear, can we back to you on that?"

- "Have you seen our new poll numbers?"

- "Gum?"

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Adrift, as usual

The best show on U.S. television is HBO's Real Time, with comedian/ringmaster Bill Maher.

It is must-see TV. (HBO Friday nights, 11 p.m.)

Our Canadian gatekeepers (the CRTC, networks and specialty channels operated on the cheap) think Real Time too Yank-centric and averse to political apathy and consumerism to show northern sheep. God forbid we bleat.

Our gatekeepers are, of course, idiots.

Bill Maher's take on the great New Orleans flood...

- "Finally, convoys of troops and aid have started to arrive on the Gulf coast. Five days after the hurricane! It kind of makes you miss those innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes." (The hapless president sat thru kindergarten story time when he learned skyscrapers were under attack on 9/11)

- "It only took Bush four days to make a plan. Unfortunately it is a faith-based plan. It involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat."

- "He could have made a plan on Saturday when everybody knew a big hurricane was going to hit the city. But Bush thinks the jury is still out on weather forecasting..."

- "There's one big difference between George Bush and Marie Antoinette. When Marie Antoinette said 'Let them eat cake' ...THEY HAD CAKE."

- "He was on the ground today, you saw him hugging the starving. Touring the devasted area. His quote was that New Orleans is more devasted than New York on 9/11. Then Bush grabbed a bull horn and vowed: 'We Will Get Mother Nature! Dead or Alive!'"

- "If you want to help the victims hit hardest by Hurricane Katrina, Fox News has posted the website of the Republican National Committee."

Canada missed a clear opportunity in the early hours of the tragedy to finally jump aboard a US humanitarian issue with both feet and score some Brownie points.

Why is it always ordinary Canadians who out-perform their government now, as in the aftermath of 9/11?

But then Liberals are too busy buying confetti for their glorious re-election. It is good to be petty. Their traditional hate-the-Yanks tune serves them well.

What else does charmless cipher Paul Martin have going for him?

Ideas? Integrity? A vision?

Now there's a joke.