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"This woman's father is dead.
"You can't open anything because you're dying.
"Your cat's pancreas is so much smaller than you expected..."
"Has your child written you a letter that says they don't love you anymore?"
"You can try wiping it off. Sucking it out. But baby diarrhea is everywhere."
"These cups are filled with dogs' blood.
Comic Louis CK has a mad infomercial up for his latest hour special. It's kinda like other infomercials, but not at all. All the above lines appear in it.
Is it genius or lame?
If you answer the latter, try Shane Gillis's droll YouTube stand-up below....
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