Mission impossible

The Beer Store has been trying to commit suicide for at least two decades.

So let it.

Die, Beer Store, die.

Long before co-vid, the charmless, utilitarian outlet Ontario's big brewers run was the very last place you wanted to go on a Saturday.

Play bumper cars in the parking lot.

Line up, like cons at breakfast.

Snake towards the register.

Choose a brew, virtually all of them hidden from sight beyond The Door.

That craft beer you had at a neighbor's or saw an ad for?

"We don't carry it."

More often, just a shrug and a "Huh?"

Go stand in another line, listen for the tell-tale whirr of the conveyor belt.

Often the backroom wizards roll out the orders … out of order. The guy behind you gets his. Then the woman two in front. Then you.

That LCBOs are now full of craft beer is no accident.

That many LCBOs now have fine, big chilly Beer Rooms is no accident.

That many cottage country corner stores now have mini-LCBOs--with beer--is no accident. You can see the beer. You can touch it. You carry and pay for it.
 

Was Beer Store Coffin Day when some outlets removed all the display bottles, so tourists couldn't point?

 Or was it when some Beer Stores replaced displays with a computer terminal, so you could line up for THAT? Watch befuddled non-techies poke a keyboard to see if what they want is even in stock? 

That terminal is now co-vid-covered with a garbage bag. Good riddance.

The only beer in sight in a Beer Store is the pyramid of a brand they're trying to get rid of.

I always thought the stink-eye and snarl were reserved for me because I only returned empties from the LCBO and never bought anything. Wrong. The In-Charge-Of-Empties-Obey-Me-Clerk gives everybody the buzz-off.

Co-vid has not been kind to many Beer Stores.

The entrance door is now exclusively for returns. It's the  entrance AND exit.

The exit door is exclusively for beer-seekers who want to come IN and buy. Enter. And exit. Same door.

You get to line up TWICE:

ENTER entrance, return empties, EXIT entrance, walk 20 feet to other door.

ENTER EXIT, buy beer, exit same door.

Customers cluster at both doors.

The Beer Store is dead.

There's a free flyer inside that begs you not to let groceries get beer.

It hints prices might go up.

You think I won't happily pay a surcharge to see that Yellow B Beer Sign go dark?

Lay down. You're dead.