Smokey Bear's slab-like muscles glisten in the morning sun. Furry bear pecs, oh my.
Smokey's hug-me-tight jeans zipper strains to conceal his naughty bear parts.
And those eyes! Those bedroom eyes! Bear in the streets, bear between the sheets. Yeah, baby.
I can see why the Woke Internet is so hot and bothered over Smokey's sexy turn in yesterday's Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Can a balloon strut? Word to your mama.
This bear wants to do more than cuddle.
Smokey be jacked. This bear be 80% gym rat.
But Twitter is a-woke and scared:
"Why is Smokey Bear being sexualized?"
"Is the Smokey balloon a DILF?"
"His pecs make me very uncomfortable..."
"Remove the pecs! They are distracting!"
The odd outcry has reached online screamers, news sites and Fox. Apparently Buffalo didn't get all the snowflakes. We're talking about a balloon.
I did see one woman's tweet that seemed reasonable ...
"Smokey Bear looks buff. I will prevent forest fires Mr. Bear. I promise."
I'm with her.
Take us to your cave, you hot, brawny bastard.
Rip us and strip us, bare ass and bear ass.
Make us hibernate, you fuzzy damn sex devil.
Grrrrrrr!
Why look! Here comes Smokey's irresistible hey-you-wanna-piece-of-me minute in the parade right now!
Please, no excessive drooling...
Do not let your children's stuffed bears see this footage.
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