Sunday, May 29, 2022

THE ENDTIMES: My bank sucks

 

 
 
My bank has sent me a cute e-survey about their online services. 
 
"How likely would you be to recommend us
to friends and family?" they ask, with
10 little boxes to consider.
 
They wanted a 10 out of 10.
 
I gave them a seven.
 
They included a box asking "How can we improve our online services?"
 
My answer:
 
Put a branded ATM back in every community you screwed in your we're-closing-your-local-branch crusade.
 
Those towns supported you for decades.
 
They thought you were their friend.
 
You fucked them.
 
Your customers now drive up to 70 kms 
to reach a person to solve screw-ups, try to buy
houses or cars, or deposit a foreign cheque.

At least give those towns you abandoned
an ATM to access their own money
without paying a rival bank machine four bucks. 

I think of you every time
I use a rival ATM closer to me.
 
Imagine the road rage as I drive 45 minutes to deposit a U.S. residual.
 
Yeah, I hold a grudge.
 
I shoulda given you a three.
 
And that closer ATM just up the road?
I now use that rival bank for some stuff.
Never did.
 
Customers don't have a "my" bank anymore.
They have websites and use rival banks.
That's how you're doin'. 
Online banking has homogenized your brand.
 
Online is a multi-click maze when it works.
All banks have it.
I give yours a shrug.
 
Bell Internet was out for two days this week.
Don't get me started on THEM ...
 

No comments: