Snowflake the Poodle, waits for Texas Senator Ted Cruz to come home from sunny Mexico.
It was 0 Centigrade in Cruz's house.
--michaelhardy/dailymail
Friday, February 19, 2021
MAD ZOOMER
Kudos to CTV for isolating this nine seconds.
Reminds me of The Mad Hatter ...
"All ways here are the Queen's ways."
Thursday, February 18, 2021
New tune in town
Why am I fascinated by the Harpejji?
The new-ish instrument sounds like this.
You play it like a piano, but by pressing strings, the sound is closer to a guitar or harpsichord.
A harpejji sells for $ 5,000-6000.
Confession: The harpejji makes me almost as happy as the weird scream of a theremin--the scary voice of every sci-fi and horror movie of my kid-hood. Remember this?
Wednesday, February 17, 2021
Frozen
It's easy to be depressed about Toronto.
For those of us who knew it, love it, it recedes as if in a rear-view mirror. In a year of masks, line-ups and loneliness, the darkness multiplies.
But then comes ... this.
The first real snow of winter.
At midnight, the missing landmarks, brutal condos and bad news evaporate.
Johnny Strides floats down the middle of Yonge St. in a white night.
It is minus 18C.
Winter freeze-frames the metropolis.
In all this ache, there is comfort.
And I am in love again.
Tuesday, February 16, 2021
Yo Doox!
We have to name the new baby.
It's clear Prince Harry and Meghan need help.
After all, they named their first kid Archie.
Archie?
Like Archie, the comic strip doofus?
Like Archie the Bartender on 1940s radio?
Like Archie Bunker?
Like, Archibald?
Brilliant.
Good luck, Arch.
He's already cruisin' for a bruisin'...
So let's name their second kid ...
Troubled.
Murdoch.
Oprah/Opie.
Deux.
As in deux, French for two.
I like that last one.
Yo, Doox!
A girl would be Deuxieme.
Oddsmakers tell People mag the front-runners are "Spencer" or "Diana."
The same front-runners as last time, when they named the kid ... Archie.
Yeesh.
Slimed!
Alexandra Petri--the wicked witch of the Washington Post--writes of Donald Trump...
When the president seized me, stunned me with his venom, and covered me with digestive fluid from his chelicerae, I was initially taken aback.
But I reassured myself with this thought: President Richard Nixon never did that.
This is clearly not the end of the world. That would be clearly labeled and would be brought up by the other party. And the weather would be more ominous. Ravens would squawk and the sky would turn red ....
Okay, the firing of FBI director Comey looked bad. And when the president stunned him, pierced him with his fangs, wrapped him in a thick cocoon of impenetrable webbing, and left him to hang there for days, that timing was poor...
* * *
That's where I lost it.
I had a similar snorts-and-giggle fit, seeing a Pat Bagley cartoon in recent days for his Salt Lake City Tribune.
He too senses a greenish goo.
It takes a sec to register, but it's Republicans, checking their souls at the party cloakroom.
The Mitches McConnell & Romney, stage right. And you-know-who running the coatroom.
The United States got slimed.
Comedy is truth's best buddy.
Monday, February 15, 2021
"I am not a cat... "
He is not a cat. Or so he says.
"Isn't that exactly what a cat would say?" wonders one viewer.
"If he's lying, is it purr-gery?" asks another.
This is what happens when a Texas lawyer grabs his daughter's laptop for a Zoom court hearing.
Another viral kitty breaks the Internet....
Cat people are insane
"I take baths with my cat by letting her float in a plastic box with me in the tub..."
--user claim on boredpanda.com
* * * *
Ask your doctor if stronger meds are right for you.
Sunday, February 14, 2021
What the heck do I do with 37 media coffee cups?
Radio and TV shows always saw Toronto Sun staffers as free content. Countless Sun butts sat on Ann Rohmer's CITY-TV stool at dawn.
But the mandatory thanks-for-coming coffee cups are flotsam of the first order.
Is there a mug museum for stations and shows that no longer exist?
Does RetroOntario have a ceramics wing?
If you are another media dinosaur, what did you do with your crap?
* * * *
Postscript: a few hours later
I discover somebody's selling the CISS-FM cup alone for $42 on e-bay!
I'm rich!
Down a Deadwood worm hole...
I've spent most of the week down a Deadwood wormhole.
The famous HBO series elbows The Sopranos, Breaking Bad and The Wire in that handful of shows as good as TV ever got.
Deadwood was a bawdy, foul-mouthed frontier western that's been off the air 15 years. Imagine if Our Town, Reservoir Dogs and Satan had a baby.
There's only a taste of it in the trailer here....
I was looking for interviews with show creator David Milch, which is how I stumbled across the dozens of hour-plus interviews the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) has been putting online for more than a decade.
Everybody is there.
You can spend an hour or more with Helen Mirren, Robin Williams, Matt Damon, Leonardo Dicaprio, Colin Farrell, each showing off before a loving audience of their showbiz union peers.
Some interviewers are a tad twee or sketchy, but the famous actors simply grab the rudder and start telling rowdy or oft-told tales.
I've now watched two dozen. My faves would be John Krasinski's hour of stories from The Office and after ...
And for anyone seeking nostalgia, Burt Reynold's bittersweet and hilarious swan song, taped in 2006.
Reasonable facsimile
--Karl Mueller book art
Karl Mueller did the crazy covers for both books of Page Six column recyclings, as well as the Sun's Rimmer cartoon strips and Fuddy & Lardette
Yo Mule!
Still crazy after all these years?
High five.
Saturday, February 13, 2021
Shots in arms
* * * *
Canada co-vid vaccine doses given per 100,000 population
Northwest Territories 29,134 doses given p/100,000
Yukon 27,110 doses given
Nunavut 15,795 doses given
Prince Edward Island 5,722 doses given
Saskatchewan 3,972 doses given
Manitoba 3,817 doses given
Quebec 3,272 doses given
Alberta 3,170 doses
British Columbia 3,167 doses
Ontario 3,003 doses p/100,000
Newfoundland 2,819 doses
New Brunswick 2,386 doses
The CBC's Covid Tracker is newly updated....
Friday, February 12, 2021
Happy New Year!
Go Ox, go!
Happy lunar New Year!
The Year of the Rat is over.
Welcome the year of the Ox!
The ox is a symbol of hardworking attitudes and reliability because of its role in agriculture.
The giant ox above is in ... Wuhan.
He's a creature of the night....
If the Superbowl were as entertaining as the gang at Bad Lip Reading, it would last eight minutes.
Here, Sunday's game highlights with new dialogue and voices.
The longer it goes on, the more inspired it gets....
* * * *
Postscript: Facebook claims the clip above has drawn objections. You can imagine your own reasons why that might be....
Thursday, February 11, 2021
Bald daily
Benjamin Rich--better known as YouTube's Bald and Bankrupt--has gone daily.
Famous for his off-route wanderings around post- Soviet states and the Indian sub-continent, he's now posting daily dispatches, a video diary of the off-beat and obscure.
Bald drinks with drunks and charms babushkas.
He's never seen a piece of Soviet-era junk or abandoned building he doesn't find charming.
Bald's sunny, funny disposition is at odds with the eerie, desolate or desperate places he explores. He's just left Estonia, is now in Ukraine.
If you are unaware of Rich's channel, he was once bankrupt, is bald and survived covid last year in a Serbian hospital.
As introduction, Bald's attempt to take a dump in Serbia, and yesterday's posting from his first day in Ukraine....
Wednesday, February 10, 2021
Tuesday, February 09, 2021
Comparison shopping with $25,000
The legend goes that in Wayne Gretzky's rookie season and a few years after, Oilers owner Peter Pocklington locked the kid in a warehouse.
There, The Wayner would sign Titan model 2020 hockey sticks until his arm gave out.
The Pock would give the sticks to his friends and biz folk as team promotion.
A guy at the Sun got five of them!
How else would I have one?
The Titan sticks, which Wayne preferred in his early years, go on e-bay for about $1,500.
A game-used autographed stick goes for $6,500.
So would you rather have a pair of Nike sneakers never worn by 46 presidents ...
Or FOUR autographed Gretzky Titan 2020s Wayne actually played with?
There's only one of him.
Hyperpriced Hyperdunks
Oh happy day!
With a minimum bid of $25,000US, Sotheby's auction house is offering Barack Obama
Nike Hyperdunk sneakers.
Are these game worn?
No.
So they've never been on his feet?
No.
So they're just one of two sets of custom shoes?
Yes.
Priced at more than $25 grand?
If there's a buyer out there for this, would you be interested in some stinky Trump sweatsocks?
A set of irons from the sure-to-be-upcoming line of Trump Golf Gear?
Oh wait! How 'bout some hockey sticks?
Monday, February 08, 2021
Jeep® | The Middle
Every troll and mean tweeter has something to say about Bruce Springsteen's Jeep ad.
At the moment, there are nearly 7,000 "comments" on--apparently--the most notable thing to happen yesterday.
The most pertinent: "It is very brave of Jeep to leave the YouTube comments open on this."
The predictable negative response is running about to 10-to-1. "Virtue signalling" is the kindest of these screeds.
But sad music and Springsteen's unity homilies do provoke some inspired backlash:
"Is this from his new album, Born to Vomit?"
"Rich celebrities and corporations need to shut up."
"When did we reunite? Did I miss it?"
"Let's pretend we like Republicans..."
"This is worse than the Kylie Jenner Pepsi ad."
"I wonder how Jeep dealerships feel today?"
"Jeep? You're a car company."
"I'm still buying a Bronco..."
* * *
About 9 p.m. last night, a bud texted me: "What did you think of The Weeknd's halftime show?"
"What is this Bowl you speak of?" I sent back.
* * *
Where is The Middle copywriter this afternoon?
In hiding? Certainly not in ... The Middle.
* * * *
Postscript: This Jeep ad was promptly removed from YouTube three days after the Super Bowl. By that point, there were more than 12,000 negative comments that mocked it.
LOST SONGS: Nancy White, Gaelic Envy
"If it's not Celtic, we don't want to hear it
If you don't play bagpipe, shut your gob ..."
* * *
There was a time in this fair land, when the railroads did not run.
And after that, a period where much of the Canuck music scene was run by the Mc-somethings and the Mac-talented.
Only our official national diarist of the damned wrote and sang a song about it.
Nancy White apparently plays bagpipe.
Who knew?
Jonestown 2021
"The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own."
--Frank Zappa
Sunday, February 07, 2021
What Canada could do to take advantage of the lull in COVID-19 vaccine shipments
--cbcnews.com
A lull?
A LULL?
verb: calm or send to sleep, typically with soothing sounds or movements.
noun: a temporary interval of quiet or lack of activity
Hush-a-bye my babies.
The CBC Covid Vaccine Tracker has not been updated in a week.
I am increasingly stupid
--above, BBC 2020 Grand Final
Jeopardy is hosted by wannabees.
The beloved I.Q. is now four failed British comics and someone who is not Stephen Fry.
But days ago, I discover BBC's University Challenge on YouTube and have now gobbled down more than a dozen of them.
I am addicted to University Challenge.
This despite ...
. I not only don't know the answers, I usually don't even understand the questions. This is a game show for viewer dimwits.
. It's only accidentally amusing. But a studio audience laughs in all the right places.
. I have dream fantasies about Jeremy Paxman, the quizmaster, who is 70. This can't be good. He is dour, direct, unflinching. (I double-checked dour.)
A longtime BBC news presenter, British tabs and the Guardian call him "Paxo."
Dunf and Paxo. I like it.
(I typed "theorums" in that sentence, probably to show off. There is no such word. Google: what is the plural of theory? Theories. Changed.)
Aside from the young brains at work, it's how the whizkids cunningly eliminate the possible wrong answers, and like Sherlock Holmes, track down the best possibility.
And if you don't know, say "Beethoven."
(I just looked up whiz kid. More than one whiz kid is just one word: whizkids. See how stupid? I thought it was two words. Fixed.)
And I think one piece of the UC set is part of the set from IQ in what looks like the same studio. The ghost of Stephen Fry.
A friend signed up for Netflix two weeks ago and has just cancelled. "There's nothing there for me," she decided. I watched Malcolm and Marie last night. I'm not sure why.
If there weren't a pandemic that has exhausted so many options, would I be watching University Challenge?
I hope so.
I don't want to be this stupid.
Right, Paxo?
There are 10 shows left to this year's 2021 Grand Final. They're up on YouTube as they air.
LINK: ALL 2021 UC EPISODES
There's no such word as theorum? That's because I spelled it wrong. The math concept is ... theorem.
Honey, I'm in the garage
--nisssan
When covid, mortages, food bills and nervous breakdowns drive us from our homes, it's good to know we can still troll the internet in a Nissan Caravan with office pod.
It is our only true happiness.
Is worth not measured in Facebook likes?
I see Walmart parking lots filled with these things, since you can tan on the roof between mean tweets.
And for that last surviving two per cent, it's "Honey, I'm in the garage...."
Friday, February 05, 2021
Zoodraws
Brian Ahearn has been drawing animal cartoons since he was a school kid.
He calls his zoodraws comics "amazingly true animal facts, drawn in ridiculously relatable ways." Could he and zefrank1 be brothers?
Your new daily webstop:
LOST SONGS: Kenny Loggins - Sweet Reunion
So we meet again, my long-lost friend
Once again we get to start anew
And it's feelin' like a thousand years
I been lovin' you
Girl, if you've been waiting here for someone near
Searchin' the world for fame
Come on in, I've been expecting you
Sweet reunion, welcome home again
=============
An obscure song on an obscure album...
Mark Russo is the sax player, before he joined the Doobie Brothers and Yellowjackets.
==========
Whatever happens, nothing's ever gonna be the same
Now you're finally here at last
Your love's released me from the past
My heart and soul have always remembered your name...
Thursday, February 04, 2021
Hunka burnin' love
Dougie, so virile a leader, women must wear protective gear lest they spontaneously hatch.
TRAINING DAY! Air Canada 737 MAX
Air Canada put a Boeing 737 MAX back in the sky on Monday... with cheery air traffic control.
Wednesday, February 03, 2021
You want fries with that?
--amazon HQ design in Virginia
Imagine amazon's proposed HQ, covered with snow, on Toronto's waterfront.
Dairy Queen weeps.
Who wants a Peanut Butter Blizzard?
--Dairy Queen HQ in Minnesota
LOST SONGS: Nichols & May, The Dentist
"He'll loathe me for having a cavity...
"I've taken a job in a leper colony... "
Mike Nichols. Elaine May.
As good as it gets.
And before "improv" became a dirty word.
Gauze, please. Scalpel. Clamp. More gauze.
"But doctor! This patient will die!"
Spot's Got an Arm!
Doesn't every robot dog want to play in the snow?
It takes a while to open that door, tho.
How many research millions teach Spot to scoop dirty laundry and put it on his butt?
Echorus
It's weird how Philip Glass' repetitive drones have turned out to be my pandemic soundtrack.
Every time my classical music feed
lobs another micro earworm at me, I turn it up.
It's mental wallpaper.
Tuesday, February 02, 2021
"Disturbingly healthy... even AFTER nine..."
Oh, the Lay-dees. They love hair goo.
A bud's blog post about '50s haircuts reveals women's deep attraction to head grease.
Smart laydees bring a butter knife to bed. You know, as the spot claims, "even after nine..."
LOST SONGS: "Preacher and the Bear"
Phil Harris' novelty tune was also a hit for Andy Griffith, the Jubalaires, Jerry Reed, the Big Bopper.
The tune is actually over 100 years old...
Monday, February 01, 2021
Snow fever
Climate change skeptics take note:
Toronto declares alert for four inches of snow.
Weekend Washington DC goes nuts for its "biggest" snow in two years: about two inches.
Breaking News: Accuweather red-lines the approach of a box of Frosted Flakes.
LINK: Snow pics in Washington Post
Lead photo above: Alex Brandon/AP
Christmas clearance!
Celebrate the end of snowbird flights to
sunny Mexico and the Caribbean!
Eat dirty snow, suckers.
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