Kids will love this Furby Bong,
the choice of any "pal" parent.
Tuesday, December 22, 2020
HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE
--Netflix
Above, crazed dancers in Netflix's The Prom try to drown Andrew Rannells in a shopping mall fountain.
I kept my fingers crossed...
Jazz Hands kill.
Monday, December 21, 2020
Sweet winter solstice
It's December 21.
And again comes that sweet sound that echoes thru endless Canadian winters. Hear it here...
Oh Come All Ye Blobs
The Google Blobs
Google has uncorked its latest machine learning experiment, Blob Opera. Drag one of four Blobs up or down to control
the pitch of their singing. When all four Blobs automatically
harmonise, it's hard to create something that doesn't sound beautiful.
Create your own opera, or let The Blobs break out Santa hats and sing 12 Christmas tunes.
One user: "The Internet has reached its peak. We can all quit our jobs. No one will ever make anything more beautiful on the web."
Hint: find the "Christmas tree" symbol.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Stoner's bathroom kit
Got a stoner on your list?
Thousand-piece kit can make any
bathroom look just like this.
Christmas Shopper: Hamster Shredder
Let Hammy shred his own bedding with this innovative Hamster Shredder.
Insert paper in top, rodent runs on his wheel and destroys your sensitive documents.
Two spare hamsters included.
Sunday, December 20, 2020
James Taylor – Show window has expired
Sorry, two-day show window has ended....
Back in 1970, when "Apple"was the Beatles' record label and not an iEverything megacorp, they signed this kid named James Taylor.
Remember the lime-green label?
The BBC had J.T. in with his guitar to record a studio concert. Fifty years ago, kids.
That concert--restored, clear as a bell and bittersweet--is running right now on YouTube.
But only for 48 hours--til mid-afternoon Tuesday. (3pmET)
Boomers, geezers and folk creakers will adore this: the time machine they've been looking for.
Such innocence. The audience smokes! Are there better times ahead? Then? Now?
Click above or ...
00:00 With a Little Help From My Friends (Lennon/McCartney) 03:26 Fire and Rain 07:28 Rainy Day Man 10:26 Steamroller 14:52 Greensleeves (Traditional) 16:55 Highway Song 21:16 Tube Rose Snuff (Arthur Smith) 23:28 Carolina in My Mind 27:45 Long Ago and Far Away 30:45 Riding On a Railroad 33:30 You Can Close Your Eyes
Earlier today, Taylor--now 72--put up his memories of this concert and those times.
"Long ago a young man sits, and plays his waiting game
But things are not the same it seems as in such tender dreams.
Slowly passing sailing ships and Sunday afternoon.
Like people on the moon I see are things not meant to be.
Where do those golden rainbows end? Why is this song so sad?"
zSaturday, December 19, 2020
Just another working stiff
Get back, fools! It's Covid Christmas!
"He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself..."
We speak of course of Ontario Premier Doug Ford, Santa's tubby and less cheery brother, who has declared Santa an Essential Service.
"I have officially designated Santa Claus as an essential service provider and authorized to deliver toys, treats and good cheer to the children of Ontario," Premier Poohbah decrees. "I have also designated the Elves' Toy Workshop as an essential manufacturing business..."
So Santa and his innocents will get all the perqs given to doctors, nurses, support staff, hydro crews, tradesfolk, plexiglass-shrouded supermarket sacrificials, transit trolls and brave Big Box drones.
Primary perqs:
. Increased workloads and pandemic stress
. Little recognition of sacrifice
. No hazard pay for obvious risks
. Fistfights with angry scofflaws
. Never a thank you
And get this: Santa, elves and reindeer are exempt from any Covid cautions! No masks! No social distancing! Dirty Claus hands from house to house!
Lock down the North Pole Boxing Day.
Thanks Grand Poobah Ford!
Doug Ford
Today's word: Grand Poobah is a term
derived from the name of the haughty character Pooh-Bah in Gilbert and
Sullivan's The Mikado (1885). In this comic opera, Pooh-Bah holds
numerous exalted offices, including "First Lord of the Treasury, Lord
Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral ... Archbishop."
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Goldfish Carrier
Is Bubbles your emotional support animal?
This handy Goldfish Carrier is perfect
for flights and trips to the grocery.
Friday, December 18, 2020
Lake Freeze
--Joan Boulding photo
Full moon's rising thru the trees
Mountains hug the night horizon
Just in case the lake might freeze
Don't know why i feel like sighing
Now I lay me down to sleep
But midnight fires
And hydro wires
Scare the daylights out of me
Scare the daylights out of me
Don't know why my eyes are misty
I'm afraid what I might see
Crystal cold
And growin' old
So afraid this lake might freeze
I'm so afraid the lake might freeze
--The Christmas Raccoons
Christmas covid confessions
"Infant, kids, teens, young people, young adults, middle-aged with no conditions etc. have zero to little risk … so we use them to develop herd immunity … we want them all infected …"
--PAUL ALEXANDER, HHS science advisor, urging widespread infections that form the basis of Trump's inaction to prevent spread of the virus
=====
92% of Canadians say the US border should stay closed
82% say they wear a mask
73% say they'll take the vaccine
13% are bathing less
13% are over-eating
7% say they brush their teeth less
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Burger Beddy Bag
Perfect for foodies, The Burger Bag.
A bun to keep your buns warm,
plus you can hold the pickle.
Thursday, December 17, 2020
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Reaper Kitty t-shirt
Reaper Kitty t-shirt
Reminder: cats creep into bed, sleep on your face and suck your breath.
This t-shirt is a warning.
Don't be a statistic.
Clunker
"Aggressively flamboyant, homophobic, stereotypical and grossly inappropriate are just a few words that have been used to describe James Corden's performance in Netflix's The Prom."
--Los Angeles Times
Is this worse than Corden's turns in Cats and Into the Woods?
Uh, yeah.
Paul Lynde, Gig Young and Tony Randall weep.
Wednesday, December 16, 2020
Time's up, Goldilocks
--Drudge Report
It seems Russia's "Cozy Bear" hackers
have been using the month-long U.S. election
fiasco to good advantage.
They've been looting Trump's Cabinet pantry.
But even the most Useful Idiot's value comes to an end.
President Putin finally called Joe Biden yesterday.
As a friend asks: "Et tu, Vladimir?"
After Vlad's call, "Moscow Mitch" McConnell felt free to admit who was president-elect.
“Nostrovia” to all.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Baby's First Fire Kit
What says Christmas more than a crackling fire?
Let kids can set their own fires.
Baby kit has logs, gas, fire ring and poker.
Insurance not included.
Tuesday, December 15, 2020
Surprise
My favorite classical music streamer
slipped the tune above into the mix today.
I was totally unprepared.
LINK: 24/7 Hosted classical music stream
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Mustard Gun
Hours of fun!
Imagine transferring mustard and ketchup into this plastic dispenser
for a WTF moment at picnics.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Potty pogo
Got a temperamental toilet?
Make bathroom plugs and floods more fun with a
Potty Pogo.
Introduce kids to more poop solutions.
Accident insurance not included.
Monday, December 14, 2020
Quarantine love
It's tough smooching thru two masks.
If Morgan Jay's new to you, watch his live show below, recorded last year.
I wasn't expecting to be charmed, tickled and touched--Jay's crowd work is exceptional.
No wonder this audience adores him.
Netflix! Give this guy some of your millions!
Sunday, December 13, 2020
No fun in T.O.
It's illegal to release more than nine helium balloons a day in Toronto?
blogto.com scans the history of No Fun in T.O.
Saturday, December 12, 2020
The Christmas Pickle
Can you find the Christmas Pickle?
Who hid the pickle?
Has mom seen it?
Do you even have a pickle?
Is it short and stubby?
Or long and weird?
Strub's makes a good fat one.
For the uninformed, the Christmas Pickle is hidden among the other ornaments on a tree Xmas Eve.
First kid Xmas morning to find the tree pickle gets an extra gift.
And while they look, the adults have sex.
They've played before.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: 5G Blocker
Afraid authorities can hear the voices inside your head?
Give up your tinfoil hat for this spiffy 5G blocker.
Specify head size. $90
Friday, December 11, 2020
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Snot mittens
They warm your hands.
They love your snot.
They're Smittens.
Made for your mucus drip.
Or you could just flick it with your fingers like on Letterkenny.
The Page Six duck
I hated my mugshot.
I wanted this duck to be the Page Six logo.
After all, Sun slut Susan Ford filled my space Mondays and had a monogram "SF" as her ID--
the scripty, snooty SF you'd find on a towel.
But then, she had many "friends" at the paper, if you take my drift...
Susan was busier than a two-dollar hooker on nickel night. (Thanks, Letterkenny.)
The boss nixed my duck idea.
"ITEMS! MORE ITEMS, TWIT," he'd thunder.
Life is hell in a word factory.
I found an old pic of the Sun's Susan Ford.
She's not on Facebook.
Obviously.
Thursday, December 10, 2020
Animusic
A dour musician bud sends me this ...
The same hour, a Canadian Mental Health Association survey shows 1 in 10 Canadians has thought about suicide during the pandemic.
I think this is way better.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPER: Concrete Smiling Stones
Easily electrified, these unique objets d'art
will fill any yard with curiosity and screams.
Wednesday, December 09, 2020
Have you met The Chunks?
Today's skill-testing question:
Two groundhogs live under your house. Do you ...
1. Call a trapper to take them somewhere else?
2. Search the garage for rat poison?
3. Build a Rodent Playground in your backyard. Put down a carpet and install at least five cameras. Build them a little groundhog-sized picnic table and a squirty fountain. Give them a buffet of carrot chunks and strawberries. Give them names. Maybe Nugget and Chibbles.
Take your time with this.
Doctor? Are medications right for me?
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